And honestly, these labels can feel reductive and cheesy sometimes. But the kink community has done a fantastic job of building a helpful sandbox for playing with storytelling through sex that’s super useful groundwork for dirty talk. Read a piece of erotica you really enjoyed out loud together, discussing what specifically gets you off and whether your partner likes it too. Or rehash old memories of the best sexual experiences you’ve had IRL, whether with your current partner or a previous one (though of course be conscientious of omitting details that could spark jealousy). “There’s a whole spectrum of dirty talk. There’s the version that’s like using language like a sex toy, to accentuate what you’re already doing,” says Horn.
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Create a word bank of what you like and dislike
You’re trying not to get caught, and you create that potentially negative association with pleasure. And so you stifle your sounds, and when we stifle our sounds we affect our breathing, and when we stifle our breathing it can affect sexual response. So sometimes it’s just about practicing making noises, like just starting with “mmmm” or “yes” or “Don’t stop.” And just use those words to practice saying something. It’s about how my words are making you feel.
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That is correct, we are the only people on the street having sex. I guess it’s ingrained in me where I just have to be mindful, or other people shouldn’t hear you’re doing it. So it’s a much deeper conversation to have. I think I have to really get into the head space and also not care as much.
It’s just you and I, and I feel so ridiculous saying those words, and I think it’s because I know the people are listening to me and maybe judging me, so. And I do know what you want to hear, and I should say there have been instances where I have gotten into it and I’ve played with it a bit but I’ve needed to really push myself. Even as I’m saying these words aloud, you’re like, “well what is the consequence?
Pay attention to the words and phrases your partner is using and adopt them if you’re comfortable. You can share each other’s word banks or just incorporate what’s affirming versus what’s off-limits into natural conversation. “One of the most important basics is understanding what words you like to describe all the parts of your body, as well as your partner’s,” says Horn. Anatomy is particularly personal, whether your preference is pussy, vulva, penis, cock, dick, or perhaps more euphemistic like “down there” or “inside me.” Right now, even couples that are sheltering in place together can also benefit from exploring or investing more into dirty talk, too. “It’s all about telling your partner how much of a turn-on it is for you to know that you are turning them on,” Eros says.
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- Maybe you like to be nasty or filthy on occasion, or maybe you like to be told you’re soft and sweet (hey, you can be both!).
- “Planned phrases can be useful in the beginning when you don’t know what to say,” advises Cook.
- As simple as it might look in movies and porn, in real life dirty talk doesn’t always flow off the tongue quite as easily as it does during those steamy onscreen couplings.
- So maybe people just don’t have sex here.
- I could say like “my partners out of town, do you want a sneak around?
Always remember that it’s both party’s right to respectfully say no at any time. “There’s never a bad time to start talking dirty,” says Horn. “It’s never a bad idea to incorporate more erotic language and communication into your sex life, especially now.” Talking dirty is a great way to connect with your lover and to kick things up a notch in the bedroom. To master dirty talk, you just have to slowly get more comfortable opening up verbally in bed (or if you’re sexting, over the phone).
Here are some helpful tips—with crowdsourced anecdotes from myself and friends—to make sure your “dirty talk” doesn’t leave someone with a foot in their mouth (unless that’s the goal). Aftercare, for the uninitiated, is what the kink community calls checking in with one another after sex. Everyone should do it, whether you spit on one another on the bathroom floor or have missionary sex in the dark. After you call your girlfriend a slut during sex, make sure to hold and cuddle her. She knows intellectually that you think highly of her, and she knows that the dirty talk was part of hot consensual sex.
Start talking more openly about your sex life with receptive friends. There’s no need to get graphic or anything. Just being more comfortable expressing your sexuality through language is a big step. “You can get a sense for each other’s sexual energies even when you can’t be physical.” Dirty talk is part of the fantasy of sex, and fantasy doesn’t always translate perfectly to reality.